The world without Sophia.

 A world without Sophia in it.  My heart is heavy with grief.  I've just relived 2 decades in 2 weeks.

Doesn't seem possible.  Sophia Snowflake Puffin Paws, her Highness, was our beloved kitty cat since June of 2002.  Born March 16, we adopted her at 3 months old.   But she time traveled into the future.  Where I aged 20 years between 2002 and 2022, Sophia aged 97.  She began almost like a toddler who grew older than me, and finally became my great grandmother.  Seen Interstellar?  Feels something like that. 

But here's the reality in the chart below:

Sophie was still in good health for her age when I made a video about her in early 2021 ---->  Ode to Sophia.  She was able to memorize all her lines and act on cue. 😺  But the last year and a half has been the hardest on our family, seeing her health deteriorate so rapidly, seeing her listless, seeing her in discomfort, and not really knowing how bad it was, since animals are very good at hiding their pain.  

Our beloved Sophie left us on July 18.  I had plenty of time to prepare for her transition, I could see she was losing weight, slowing down and checking out.  When the time finally came, I was undone.  I didn't expect it to be so distressing.  There was a little relief in knowing she was no longer in discomfort. There was a little relief in knowing this is just the cycle of life!  But there will never be total relief, because she's gone.  She left her body and went to a realm that I can't visit.  My beautiful tiger white beauty took the final departure to a world none of us experientially know anything about.  

Each and every creature God makes is known to Him.  Before He even made us in His image, He filled the world with animals.  Land, sea and sky.  And there's just something about animals that I love so flippin much!  Their innocence, their being in the present moment, the way they love their young as we do, their unique ways of communicating. The chorus of birdsong, the way a dog wags his tail when he's happy to see you, the adorable way a cat licks her paw to wash her face, and the calming sound of her purr.  

When we adopt a pet, we say they are "ours," but in truth, we are stewards, we are foster parents... they belong to the One who created them.  And thus, they return to Him at their appointed time.  We are never, ever ready for it.  Why can't we all just turn 29 and stay there forever?!  (That would be age 3 for a cat) :)

I'm writing this now, to turn my pain into prose, to pour my grief into words, and to be a witness to her exceptional and long life.  The average lifespan for a cat is 12-18 years.  For dogs it is only 10-13 years. 

For 20 years and 4 months, Sophia graced our earth.  Her time with us spanned the equivalent of an entire military career.  But this really puts it in perspective: 

George W. Bush was President when we brought Sophia home in a Jeep cherokee, and I've had 5 cars since then.  Before Barack Obama was ever a household name, we were calling Sophia's name.  When my youngest son held his newborn cousin Megan in his arms for the first time, Sophia was there.  (Megan is now almost 20.)  When we were still communicating through landlines, before slide phones and flip phones, Sophia was there.  Yep, long before I could ever use an iPhone to take a photo of her... Sophia was there -- even before Facebook!

She was so pretty and feminine; she had a sweet meow and a feisty personality.  When she walked on a hardwood or tile floor, you could hear her back claws clicking like high heels.  She'd jump up on a piano and walk on it, to hear the sounds it made.  When she wanted to get past a closed door, she'd get up on her hind legs and use her paws to try and turn the doorknob.  

My oldest son said he misses the way she would push her head into his hand for a pet.  Over and over, as if to say, 'don't stop!'  And she softly pawed at his forehead to wake up in the morning.  My youngest remembers her as a busy explorer, having an agenda of her own who came running every time we opened the front door.  She was an indoor cat who always wanted to go outside, to eat grass and throw it up on our carpet later.  She was obsessed with finding water outside of her water dish, and lived to lick the water fountain and shower curtain.  She loved the cause and effect of knocking over water cups with her head or her paw.  I remember the way she walked with her tail up in the air, with a little hook at the top, earning the nickname "Monkey Tail" and "Hook Tail Girl."  I haven't seen her walk like that in a long time.

She would run after a toy mouse when I threw it, and bring it back to me to throw again.  Yes, like a dog.  LoL.   She answered to her name when I sang it a certain way..   "So -PHI - ah... pdddrrrr... kitty kitty!" And it devastates me to know that she couldn't hear me call her in the last few years as she became deaf. She must have wondered why the world got so quiet.

She didn't like to be picked up and held, but she gradually became a lap cat, and she had a way of reaching out her paw to you and looking you in the eye.  She would 'slow blink,' a cat's way of saying they love you.  Sometimes she would extend both paws, and we called this pose a "Super Soph."  (like Superman flying).  The boys called it "chicken mode" when she "turtled up" and tucked all four paws in.  She loved to watch birds and would make a chirping sound when she saw one she couldn't reach.  

Because of aggravated allergic reactions to cats, one of our family members could no longer tolerate living in the same house with a cat.  So we had to re-home Sophia after 14 years, but she was always able to stay with family members.  She lived in Pittsburgh with my oldest while he attended school.  After his graduation in 2018, she took a long drive to Delaware and my Mom became her main caretaker.  That's where she spent her last 4 elderly years.  

Sophia had a sixth sense as all animals do... she knew when I was arriving for a visit and would wait by the door.  She knew when I was leaving and would leave me a little 'gift' by my bed to express her dissatisfaction.  I never scolded her for pooping outside the litter box; it endeared me to her, that she cared, that she mysteriously even knew, and that she communicated in the only way she could.  I always hated leaving her.  But I knew my Mom was the perfect human companion for her when I was away.  

She was always slender but near the end lost even more weight, and when she slept through the vacuum cleaner and blender, we realized she had become deaf.  She often looked lost and confused wandering around the house.  Her beautiful green eyes became hazy, and she became arthritic, affecting the way she stood, walked and slept.  She transformed into a shadow of her former feisty self, having moments of clarity followed by days of doing nothing but sleeping, barely eating, and using the litterbox.  No more sitting in the window watching the birds she couldn't hear.  No more scratching post.  No more kneading my tummy like bread.  No more interest in toys or chasing mice.   

And I'd be remiss not to mention Bitsy.  We adopted a sister kitty on the same day as Sophia.  Being an older calico, she had health issues and didn't stay with us more than a couple years.  They were besties and chased each other around the house, groomed each other, and cuddled together.  It was so nice having two as they kept each other company, and it's sad that her time with us was short-lived.  We all missed Bitsy, still do... she was gentle, affectionate, and big sisterly to Sophia.  I imagine they are now reunited and playing together in heavenly bliss.  

A sign... I was outside just after sunset, putting away Mom's golf cart and as I walked over to Sophia's memorial to water the flowers, a butterfly flew from that direction, right toward me, at eye level just a few feet away.  Then it turned and flew over to the front porch.  It was an orange color, without spots or lines.  Since butterflies represent transformation, regeneration and liberation... I received this as a comforting sign from God.  Rarely do I see butterflies at my Mom's, and especially in the evening!  (This is the best photo I can find that represented how it looked:)  

  

What a gift of unconditional love these animals are!!  And oh the attachment and bond we form with them!!  If you have a pet, remember to be present and appreciate every moment you have with them.  We tend to take for granted what is always there... until it is gone.  We always think we have tomorrow, or later, or next time.  

What would you say and do if a loved one who passed away - was resurrected to spend the day with you? What a miracle, right?  Think of all the things you would say to each other!  But life itself is a miracle.  Every day is a miracle.  Sophia's passing has given me an acute awareness and new appreciation for every moment we have with those we love.  I'm going to express my love and gratitude for them as often as I can now.  (Better too much than too little, right?)

I wish you could understand these words, Sophia Snowflake Puffin Paws!!  But you have always been able to read my mind, so you know how much you are loved.  And I know you are hearing again, and what pure bliss it must be to hear the angels sing, as you reunite with Bitsy!  Love you both forever!!  "Tiger White Beauty and Calico Cutie!!"

Thank you God, for giving us so many pure and precious animal souls to love and be loved by.  Please give us a waterfall of grace to adjust to the world when they leave, and remember the joy they brought us while they were here.  I pray they all bless heaven with their unique personalities... and let us look forward to the day when we see each other again, and this time with no separation, no pain, basking in the joy of everlasting life, your gift and promise to us through Jesus.  

I get triggered every time I see a photo or video of Sophia, so I can't add any to this blog post just yet.  When the time comes, I will go through pictures and add them.  For now, I love the idea of the "Rainbow Bridge," so I'll end with a picture of that, and hope you've enjoyed reading this tribute.  If you knew Sophia, I would love it if you share a special memory about her in the comments.