Woes and Wars -and just plain WORN OUT.

I've been in a bit of a funk lately... how about you?  It's been a surreal and insane past few years.  We're all trying to recover and carry on, despite all we've lost, and all that's changed for the worse.

I saw this meme, and wanted to share it.  Do you remember what you were doing 2 years ago this week?  I remember I had a plane ticket to Atlanta to visit my son on March 12, 2020, and had to cancel due to a mysterious virus that was spreading everywhere.  I lost my Airbnb; the hosts never responded or reimbursed me.  I lost time visiting with my son, and thus began the weirdest year any of us had ever known up till then.  

These last 10 days or so has been really difficult for me because of the unprovoked war escalating in Ukraine.  I expected things to get better after the vaccine rolled out, but it just feels like a slow downward spiral now.  I'm not one to be negative; I'm usually optimistic and hopeful.  But I feel a collective sorrow over their now uncertain future, and as I write this, I hear a gentle rain falling, as if on cue.

I used to have recurring nightmares about war breaking out, running thru unrecognizable streets, and not being able to find my family.  But I always woke up in the comfort of my bed, with my loved ones around me.  I can't imagine that the stuff in my nightmares has become reality for so many of my brothers and sisters fleeing Ukraine.  I don't know what to do to help.  I waver back and forth between wanting to pray for miracles, asking God to soften Putin's heart... and then wanting him to die.  Yes I said it.  He's been in power too long and he's become a mad man.  If earth is a living organism, he is a cancer that needs to be cut out... a rogue cell that poisons the body.  And I am a white blood cell that has spotted the infection,  ready with my powerful immune response to destroy the invader so the body can heal!

It just doesn't seem possible to me, that in 2022, we have someone so unenlightened in power.  We have the United Nations, and the European Union, yet we still have brutal authoritarian dictators who don't share our love for unity and peace, who enjoy manipulating minds, and toy with innocent lives just to accomplish whatever it is they want to do. 

If every leader of every nation were true servants of the people, and had character and integrity like President Zelenskyy of Ukraine, we'd all be at peace right now.  Why is that so difficult to attain?

It isn't just sorrow and anger I feel,... it's fear too.  A joy-stealing, gnawing fear I've never felt before.  The supply chain is disrupted, grocery stores aren't fully stocked, and inflation is rising too fast.  I've heard people speak of their rent almost doubling, and car prices skyrocketing, along with gas prices. Travelers are postponing trips because rental cars costs are exorbitant.  Airfare's gone way up too.  

Natural disasters are normal now, climate change is no longer a subject for debate; it's happening all around us.  Droughts, Fires, Hurricanes, Floods.  And then there's the fear of nuclear war.  I used to feel lucky to live in the USA, but I'm not sure this is a safe haven anymore.   

Covid restrictions are loosening, Hawaii stopped their "safe travels" program, but to me it's too soon for that.  I fear another surge if people get lax about wearing masks, keeping distance, and washing hands.  Omicron is very contagious.  And that I know firsthand.  I was surprised that Covid finally found its way to me, after I had managed to avoid it for 2 solid years.  I don't even know how I got it; I was careful as usual but sure enough, just around the time I was due for my booster, when they say antibodies wane, I must have been exposed.  I haven't been sick in over 3 years.  It was a wake up call that I'm not as invincible as believed I was.  I was depressed for a few days while isolating, checking the news often for some sign that Putin's barbaric plans had been thwarted. 

2 years ago when Covid started, we all rallied around each other and found ways to cope through our pandemic pods and quaranteams.  But the virus has stayed so much longer than we anticipated, (do you even remember the term, 'flatten the curve?') and now with the Russian military being an active enemy of planet earth, I almost feel like I'm in the beginning of that recurring nightmare.  

I won't stay pessimistic forever; but I also won't put on a happy mask and embrace toxic positivity either; that's just fake and annoying.  I'm teeter-tottering, trying to find a healthy balance.  

I know I'm not alone, mental health is at the forefront of our lives now, it's no longer just a few people we worry about.  It's all of us.  Depression is causing us to isolate, at a time when we need each other most.  Some of us are slowly fading out of view, silencing calls, waiting forever to text back and some are ghosting good friends unexpectedly.  In this ever changing world, we should be seeking to secure our friendships, not discard them.  What a conundrum.  

There's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on in my life now... my beliefs aren't matching what I'm witnessing.  I've seen a former president try to overturn an election because he couldn't bear the thought of losing.  I've seen passionate but reckless people attack our own Capitol, forever tainting our democracy, willing to injure and even kill whoever got in their way.  I've seen senseless shootings at schools and gatherings.  We are living in a very different world than the one I grew up in, and I feel insecure, shaken, and scared.  

But I'll end this blog post with a message of hope... because someone once told me I was made of "pixels of hope."   It's one of the sweetest compliments I've ever received, so I'll do my best to live up to it: 

"In the world you will have tribulation.  But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."  - Yeshua.

John 16:33

I hope you will look to Him when times get rough.  We are taught to be self-sufficient and make our own way in life, to the point where we sometimes feel embarrassed if we need a 'crutch' to hold on to.  But God always intended for us to cling to Him, and to each other.  He is the Vine; we are the branches.  We were never meant to go it alone.  Recent events are making that a little easier to believe.  

Love to all ... especially our neighbor, Ukraine.  We stand united with you, and pray for peace on this one tiny piece of land we all share in the cosmos... planet earth.  

(Traveling pianist, Davide Martello from Germany, playing for Ukrainian refugees)

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